Review

Top 10 Worst Films of 2018

2018 was actually a pretty damn good year for movies. Normally I can fill a Worst list with 10 films I hate, that made me genuinely angry, but not this year. Only a handful of films came across as truly awful, with then there just being films that are plain bad, but not in a frustrating way. So here are those films, the worst that the mostly-good 2018 had to offer. (For a less depressing read, check out my Top 10 Best Films list)

Dishonorable Mention: Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald

No one really likes or wants this “Harry Potter” prequel series, especially five films of them. This second installment, instead of feeling like the end of the beginning, feels like the beginning of the end, and spits in the face of the franchise’s fans and lore. Just a messy waste.

10. The Week Of

Adam Sandler’s latest Netflix film about planning his daughter’s wedding may just be his worse yet, simply because it’s so lazy. Chris Rock clearly shot his scenes over a weekend to help his buddy Adam, and the jokes (the few there are) are telegraphed a mile away. Sandler and Netflix have proven to be a match made in Hell.

9. The Nun

Just a dumb movie with even dumber characters. Jump scares are everywhere and none of them are, ya know, scary, and as the plot moves along the worse things get. This film will make you want to repent.

8. Night School

One of those movies that isn’t truly awful, just so boring it’s a sin. Kevin Hart mails it in, Tiffany Haddish is wasted, and the rest of the cast are abrasively unlikable. Actual school has more laughs than this.

7. Life Itself

Pretentious, fake and pandering, if this film was pitched in the Hallmark offices the screenwriter would get laughed out of the building. Very little makes sense but what the film lacks in logic it makes up for with cringes. Just a poorly conceived, highly contrived dumpster fire.

6. The Cloverfield Paradox

The second Netflix film on this list, the marketing for this film was actually brilliant, dropping a “coming soon” ad during the Super Bowl and then a “now streaming” ad two quarters later. And that’s where the genius/logic/coherency ends with this film. Nothing makes sense, reshoots are obvious and awkward and it spits on the likes of “Alien,” “Gravity” and even “Life” and hopefully gets buried deep in the queue.

5. Fifty Shades Freed

Not as fun-bad as the second film or bad-bad as the first film, this just made the storied franchise end on a whimper, but at least it’s finally over (until Disney buys the rights in 15 years and launches a new sequel trilogy and prequel spin-offs).

4. The Nutcracker and the Four Realms

I never, ever fall asleep in movies but this made me head-bob like no film has before. I guess it’s only this high because the visuals are impressive and the cast (except Kiera Knightly, what the hell voice is she doing?) and filmmakers were somewhat trying, even if the road to hell is paid with good intentions.

3. Rampage

Dwayne Johnson is a very busy man, but this is hands-down his worst film to-date (yes, worse than “Baywatch”). It’s loud, dumb and boring and no where near as even so-bad-it’s-good entertaining as a “giant ape punching a mutant alligator” should be.

2. Overboard

Eugenio Derbez topped my 2017 Worst List with the dreadful “How to Be a Latin Lover” and he came of-so-close to a repeat. This film is soooo bland and boring, and the jokes are soooo lazy and borderline offensive that had it not been for an August release, we’d be looking at his slate of 2019 releases (“Dora the Explorer,” perhaps?) to see if he could pull a three-peat.

But alas. One film was worse. Only one film gave me an actual panic attack in the theater it was so bad, made me start to squirm in my plushy chair because it was so boring.

1. Slender Man

Words cannot describe “Slender Man.” It made me physically angry, gave me anxiety because it just dragged. The characters are so dreadfully unlikable and stupid and the titular creature is barely a factor of the plot, and the ending is just so abrupt and ludicrous I stood right up and walked out of the theater as to not give this any more seconds of my time. This was one of those films that when I saw it, I just knew. I knew I had seen the worst film of 2018.

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