Review

Here Is Everything I Thought While Watching ‘Scoob!’

Scoob_2020_film_posterOK so instead of a traditional review, I thought it would be fun for me to keep track of everything I thought about while watching “Scoob!,” the new animated film from Warner Bros. based on the classic cartoon. There will be massive spoilers ahead, so only read this if you have seen the film or do not care about ruining the surprises (of which there are randomly many). Overall, long story short, I enjoyed the hell out of this film, both actually and ironically, and recommend it, especially for kids or fans of Scooby-Doo like myself. I’d give it a 7/10. Anyways, on with the post! 

 

-this kids movie starts with “California Love”, an explicit song about drugs and sex from gangster rappers Tupac and Dr. Dre

-kid bullies care about blood sugar and steal Shaggy and Scooby’s candy to… help them?

-this bad guy is hanging out in a closet in his own house dressed as a ghost in order to scare people on the off chance someone comes inside?

-Fred wants to have sex with a van

-Simon Cowell is here

-oh god, Shaggy and Scooby are singing “Shallow” from “A Star Is Born” (keeping it in the Warner Bros. family, I see) 

-Daphne says to Shaggy “wait, have you not been paying your taxes?” to which Scooby replies “I handle our books” (I laughed)

-“he’s not smart, he just sounds intelligent because he’s British” “good point, Shaggy” (I laughed again)

-I really don’t like Will Forte’s Shaggy voice

-Mark Wahlberg’s Blue Falcon character is introduced as the song “All I Do Is Win” by DJ Khaled plays and I. am. CACKLING.

-there’s a line about how Shaggy says “like” in every other sentence because that’s how middle-aged writers think teenage hipsters talk. Meta or lazy? You decide…

-the bad guy Dick Dastardly has a bunch of little tiny cute robot minions who only he can understand (yeah yeah, I have also seen “Despicable Me”)

-the bad guy’s plan is to get the three skulls of Cerberus aka Fluffy from Harry Potter

-seriously, why couldn’t they invite Matthew Lillard back to voice Shaggy?

-“stop right there you filthy animal! And your dog too!” (I laughed again)

-they just said “hashtag” out loud.

-this script was written by a kids YouTube algorithm

-Shaggy told Wahlberg to drop a meth bomb and Wahlberg goes “whoa whoa man, let’s keep it PG!” and I let out the UGLIEST cackle

-the bad guy said “I’m a Dick” cuz it’s his name

-“meters, Velma? I don’t even know what that means. What are we, in Europe?”

-there’s a hot California Highway Patrol officer. Reminds me how awful “CHIPS” was

-the hot officer was the bad guy in disguise and Fred is disappointed; nice reference to “Scooby-Doo 2”

-Wahlberg’s robot dog is being hacked by Velma and he says “stay out of my search history!”

-90% of this film’s budget went to the hair design

-as a descendent of Alexander the Great’s dog, Scooby-Doo has the genetic ability to open the Gates of Hell

-bad guy kidnaps Fred and goes “Poor man’s Hemsworth stays with me!” and Fred goes “no let go of me–wait, Chris or Liam?”

-they’re in that center of the earth Jurassic Park place from “Aquaman”

-Scooby got scared and tried to jump into Wahlberg’s arms to be caught like he does to Shaggy and Wahlberg just stood there as Scooby fell to the ground. I wheezed.

-Tracy Morgan voices a caveman and it’s just the most obvious Tracy Morgan appearance ever

-scientifically accurate dinosaur poop

-someone shouted “toxic masculinity!” while Wahlberg and Fred were fighting, who is this movie for lmaoo

-Shaggy said “let’s get out of middle earth!” and Wahlberg said “copyright infringement”. This film is simultaneously meta and oblivious to itself.

-opening the Gates to Hell also rebuilds ancient Greece

-demon Fluffy is here

-Shaggy got locked in the underworld, big dramatic moment, blah blah, but Scooby just says “come home” to a statue of Alexander the Great and Shaggy comes back

-the bad guy Dick Dastardly was Simon Cowell in disguise all along

-oh just kidding, it was Dick Dastardly disguised as Simon Cowell disguised as Dick Dastardly

-Wahlberg is a DJ now

-Wahlberg’s female partner said she needs a raise; who is paying their superhero salaries?

-this film was written by four different people

-this film is so random, I loved it

scoob-1-e1589553522852
Warner Bros.

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